


We all fall in love sometimes

by incubugs



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, F/F, Hopeful Ending, Mild Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-21
Updated: 2016-05-21
Packaged: 2018-06-09 21:17:22
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,463
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6923674
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/incubugs/pseuds/incubugs
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>They looked at the stars, gave them different names making them their own and made up stories, Lexa especially liked the one where a girl fell from the stars and the girl on the ground found her and they fell in love.</p>
            </blockquote>





	We all fall in love sometimes

**Author's Note:**

> This was inspired by Jeff Buckley and his songs. I don't own The 100 or the songs, they are all property of someone else. Only the idea is mine.
> 
> Thanks to the lovely @ordinarklo on tumblr for being my beta.

**If you see her, say hello**

 

It's been almost a year. A horribly long year in which Lexa thought about Clarke every single day. Lexa remembers that day so clearly, like it's the only thing she knows. Clarke moved away, she had nothing keeping her here, Lexa was nothing to her. They haven't spoken since that day and she thought about the words that would come out of her mouth if she ever saw her again. Lexa was sure there would be no words.

 

They were in love, and then they weren't. Some call it falling out, Lexa calls it her fault. Lexa finds herself thinking about that night when she's walking down the street, when she's trying to sleep, when she allows herself to feel; it haunts her and brings her a chill, her broken heart in pieces since they broke up. Lexa still carries Clarke inside of her, she was the only real thing that ever happened to her, she still sometimes pretends Clarke is next to her, at night when she wakes up and reaches over to the other side of the bed, empty, like Lexa's heart.

Lexa never blamed Clarke for leaving, in the end, it was Lexa's fault she was unhappy and she understood why she left, she was free of Lexa. In Lexa's mind, separation meant that Clarke will be happy once again, she won't stand in the way of Clarke's happiness, even if it meant her own unhappiness. Often, Lexa drinks her whiskey and the taste of the drink reminds her of the night it all fell apart, when Lexa was selfishly trying to keep Clarke, begging her to stay. Clarke still left.

 

 Even if she wanted to, Lexa couldn't make herself find someone else, there was a Clarke-shaped hole in her heart that only one person could fill. She sometimes sees Raven and Octavia, they still live here; Lexa hides. She can't face them, they hate her, as they should. She was the one who forced their best friend to move away. She heard them mention her name, Clarke, a word Lexa only thinks, never says, except when she's so drunk that that's the only thing she can say.

 

The past replays in her mind, time and time again; she knows every part of their story, it's like a movie you watched countless times, knowing all the lines the characters will say in advance. Lexa thinks about seeing her again, telling Raven or Octavia to give a message to Clarke, if she's in the city, to look her up if she has the time, she's not hard to find; to tell her hello.

 

Lexa would never do that. So she drinks her whiskey, and thinks about the night her world fell apart.

 

**Mojo Pin**

 

Lexa has dreams. Dreams about Clarke, dreams about before it all fell apart, when they were happy. But then she wakes up and the bed is empty and she feels cold. Lexa can still feel Clarke's hair tickling her nose when she'd spoon her, the feel of her skin on her fingertips when she'd hold her close. Lexa wants her back, to look into her pretty blues eyes again, lie side by side and just look at her; if she had her back in her life, she wouldn't need any whiskey to keep her warm. That's a lie, whiskey doesn't make her warm, it makes her cold and empty and... it's not Clarke. She tries not to cry, she fails. She loves her, she's the only person she really and truly loved.

 

In her dreams, Lexa holds her again, makes her smile again, that smile Lexa likes to think is reserved only for her. She dreams about Clarke's arms around her body, protecting her, loving her. But dreams turn into nightmares and there are no arms around her, no smiles and no Clarke. Lexa is awake.

 

**Last goodbye**

 

She knew things were done between them even before that night. Lexa hated herself for making Clarke feel this way, so sad and angry. It was her fault, it was always her fault. Her coldness at times, when she was supposed to be warm; her inability to say the right things at a time when Clarke needed them the most; she tried to change it, but it crept up to her, she would do anything for Clarke, but she couldn't control the emotions or rather, lack of emotions at times. Clarke called her heartless, Lexa agreed.

 

A few months after they broke up, Lexa was drunk and she did the one thing she said she would never; she called Clarke. She deleted her number, but she knew it by heart, it was so deeply rooted into her memory. She left her a voicemail, suddenly thankful for Clarke not picking up; or she just ignored it. Lexa told her to listen to her one last time and then she'll leave her alone, so she told her how she was the only good and real thing in her life, how she fucked it all up, how she was at times her only reason to live. Lexa told her how she wished they could make this better, begging Clarke to kiss her. The voicemail beeped, signaling end of recording. Lexa was horrified, instantly sobering up and calling the familiar number again; straight to voicemail. Lexa apologized, telling her how sorry she was for all of this, how she never should have done it. Lexa said goodbye and hung up.

 

She thought, the crazy thoughts that creep up to her sometimes, that after hearing the voicemails, Clarke would rush to the phone and call. Clarke never called back.

 

**So real**

 

Before, when Clarke still loved her, they would spend almost all their time together, cuddled on the couch watching some documentary Clarke loved or a tv show Lexa was invested in. Wrapped up in each other, Lexa would smell Clarke all over her, it made her calm and when she'd leave in the morning for her classes, she'd still smell Clarke on her clothes and it made her long day a bit better, knowing when she's done, Clarke would be waiting for her. It was all real, so real and it made Lexa the luckiest person in the world. They would walk in the park at night, looking at the moon, making up stories about space travel and colonies on the moon.

Lexa is then brought back from her thoughts, thoughts of before and she's back in this never ending nightmare that pulls her under.

 

Lexa loved Clarke so much, but Lexa was afraid. Her fear cost her the love of her life.

 

**Lover, you should've come over**

 

It was raining, Lexa loved rain; the smell, how the water painted the city in a color of sadness but also life, how she could hide her tears while walking in one. While she watched the rain fall, she thought about the only person who haunted her thoughts, night or day, Clarke. She missed her, she needs her, but she is not here. Lexa was too blind to see, to see how she was dragging Clarke down, how she made her sad; she didn't see the damage her actions and lack of words had on Clarke, not until it was too late to fix it.

 

Lexa knows Clarke doesn't want to have anything to do with her anymore, she doesn't blame her, but if she ever saw her again, she would burn with all the feelings that consume her. Lexa wishes she could just call her, tell her to come over. But she can't. She is alone in the apartment, it's lonely and it feels like no one even lives here, window open and rain falls in. She sits in the corner and burns, burns for Clarke and her touch. She would give anything to kiss her again, to see her smile in the morning when they'd wake up next to each other, to look into her eyes, get lost in that ocean blue, to smell her, to hear her sweet laugh that was her favorite sound in the world, alongside her voice; she would give up all her possesions to have Clarke back. She is selfish, but she can't help herself, Clarke will always be a part of her, like a tear that hangs in her soul forever.

 

Lexa knows it's crazy, but if there's even a little chance Clarke could ever forgive her, she'll wait for her, however long it takes, forever if she has to.

 

**Everybody here wants you**

 

Clarke was the most beautiful woman she had ever seen and Lexa knew she wasn't the only one with eyes. She could see how people looked at Clarke, men and women, how they wanted her. But she didn't want anyone else, she wanted Lexa and Lexa wanted Clarke. She would give her a sweet kiss and a full blown smile after it, the slightly teasing smile that she's have every time she saw Lexa get jealous. She was jealous, but she also knew no one could get between them (except for your own stupidity, she thought bitterly) and how their love was strong. They'd share looks; looks of love, looks of lust, looks of pride. Lexa felt they were invincible, their love the greatest of all. They were, until Lexa's fears got to her and she ruined it. Clarke was the one for her, but now she has nothing. Lexa knows she deserves nothing more than that.

 

**Yard of blonde girls**

 

Lexa loved the way Clarke kissed; so soft and tender at one point and the next hard and rough. She was intoxicated by her, by her taste and smell and her everything. The feel of her lips pressing against her own drove her crazy, especially at times when Clarke would tease her, drag her finger over her nose, down her jaw, over her waiting lips, dip slightly inside which would make Lexa wet on the spot. She'd then replace her finger with lips and made Lexa dizzy, the tongue coming out and making her lost in the way Clarke feels. She was so sexy and Lexa loved every part of her body, the body her hands and mind will never forget. The sensitive spot below Clarke's right breast that always made her giggle when Lexa would touch it, the little freckle on her left shoulder, the mole above her lip. Lexa loved it all.

 

And now she had nothing.

 

**You and I**

 

Even though she wasn't the type of person to get married, Lexa had thoughts about it when she was with Clarke. She could see them getting married, going on a honeymoon, calling each other wife and wife, teasingly, lovingly. She could see herself spending the rest of her life with Clarke. Clarke was her home; like they say 'home is where your heart is', Clarke was Lexa's heart and home, the one place she felt safe, happy, at peace, herself.

'You and I, we will concur the world', Clarke would say to her when they'd sit near the lake and feed the ducks, something Clarke loved to do and Lexa did too, because it made Clarke smile. Lexa adored how Clarke was nice, she would smile at babies in the park, help an older lady with her groceries, pet a cute dog. It made Lexa's heart swell, skip a beat and ache, ache because Clarke deserved better than her, her stoic ways and stubbornness.

 

Lexa knew now, that those feelings and foolish thought made Clarke sad. If she could've only not have them, because her mind and heart were terrible at making decisions, they gave Lexa false truths.

 

It's too late now, she thinks while sitting near that lake, hoping to see a flash of blonde hair and a gentle smile. Lexa never sees it.

 

**I know we could be so happy baby (if we wanted to be)**

 

Lexa became distant, more than usual and Clarke noticed. Lexa felt like a ghost who comes and goes, like she was floating in between worlds, not here and not there, not with Clarke. Lexa loves her, but her crazy head got the best of her, she knew if she only stopped thinking about things that will never happen, that weren't real, they would continue to be happy. They were happy, but Lexa's actions made Clarke sad and that made Lexa sad. Anya told her that it wasn't her fault, no one was to blame, but she knew better, it was her fault and her fault alone.

Lexa sits on her couch, the one where they'd kiss, make love, laugh at silly videos; and she looks at the pictures she took. Some of them were of Clarke alone, she'd take them when she was sure the blonde couldn't see her, she wanted a candid picture of her and she had plenty of those; the other ones were of them together, at the festival, at Raven's birthday party, in the park, in their favorite coffee shop, from the vacation they spontaneously took one weekend, in their beds, the one Clarke took of them on their spot, the one where Lexa told her she loved her the first time. They looked so happy, Clarke with a big smile on her face and her eyes shining and Lexa looking at her like she is the most precious thing that ever existed. They could have been happy.

 

Lexa tries to hold back tears; she fails.

 

**Your flesh is so nice**

 

Clarke could make Lexa wet with one look and she did just that. The sound of Clarke kissing her neck, breasts, stomach mixed with her own moans echoes in Lexa's mind. The sight of Clarke between her legs, kissing her thighs, teasing her and torturing her, leaving marks from her knees up to her thighs; the sight of Clarke finally tasting her and the look straight to Lexa's eyes that tells her 'you're mine and I'm going to make you come'. Lexa can see it all, it's burned into her mind, forever. Clarke would make her come and make her half moan, half scream her name in pleasure and she'd just kiss her way up Lexa's body, kiss her hard and make her taste herself on Clarke's tongue, her lips; it made Lexa wet again. The sex was really great and orgasms mind blowing.

 

Lexa always returned the favor; kissing and leaving marks down Clarke's torso, not caring but being proud of her artwork, putting one hard nipple in her mouth while teasing the other one with her fingertips, Clarke's moans loud in the room, embedding themselves into Lexa's mind. Her hand finding Clarke's clit, the wetness she finds there drives her insane. Coming with heavy breaths and Lexa's name, Clarke looks at Lexa and Lexa kisses her, worshiping her body like a temple.

 

Lexa is brought back from her thoughts by the bartender asking her if she'll order more. She shakes her head, pays for her drink and exists the bar.

 

**We all fall in love sometimes**

 

They were in love, the crazy love that you see in romantic movies and read in books. Lexa often thinks about the first time she told Clarke she loved her, she knew some time before it, she couldn't deny it anymore and she didn't want to, she'll tell her and if she loves her back, no one happier than Lexa. They were lying down on the blanket and looked at the night sky, looked at the moon and some stars bright enough to be seen through the smog. Clarke was talking about some art suplies she wanted to buy and Lexa was listening to her, enjoying in the sound of her voice. The feeling was strange, it was good and it was strange. Lexa knew it was love, she never experienced it in this way, not romantic one at least. It filled her up and made her whole. She fell in love with Clarke, how could she not, she was amazing and Lexa adored her and now, she loved her. As Clarke was explaining the difference between azure and blue, Lexa just looked at her and said 'I love you.' Clarke's mouth was slighty gaping, no words coming out, just looking at Lexa. When Lexa started to explain herself, Clarke grabbed her and kissed her, silencing her words. When they parted, Clarke looked deep into her eyes and said 'I love you too.'

 

It's raining again today and Lexa is taking a walk, she knows where's she's going, she sits there often.

 

We all fall in love sometimes; Lexa fell only once.

 

**Moodswing whiskey**

 

Anya called her over, she was throwing some party, Lexa didn't want to know, she just wanted to get something to drink. These days she rarely did that, forcing herself to not to, Anya's words from a few months ago ringing in her ears, 'You'll turn into an alcoholic.'. She wasn't one but she stopped doing it often, just sometimes. And this night was a perfect one to do it again. Lexa was drinking her poison of choice, whiskey, sitting in Anya's kitchen while the rest of them were in the living room, but she had a good view of them, not that she cared. She couldn't remember the last time she was at a party, she was probably still with Clarke.  _Clarke_ , the name said in her mind and never by her mouth. She takes another sip and then she sees a familiar face; Raven. Anya stayed in touch with her, Lexa never asked, too embarrassed to face the woman whose friend's heart she broke. Raven looks at her and nods slowly, Lexa returns it and looks away, ashamed and thinking how she needs to get away from this place, suddenly suffocating. But she just pours more whiskey and drinks, until she is swimming in that familiar feel, the one that reminds her of Clarke, the kisses she'd get lost in. But soon her mood is awful and she just wants to crawl into her bed and cry. Moodswing whiskey indeed.

 

Lexa soon leaves and wishes she could get drunk on Clarke and not on whiskey.

 

**Kanga roo**

 

The first time Lexa saw Clarke, she was waiting in line for coffee in her favorite coffee place, sleepy and tired from an all-nighter and desperate for some good coffee. She noticed a blonde girl sitting and drawing some sort of animal, Lexa smiled, it looked like a chipmunk from a distance. As she was leaving the coffee place, she looked over to the pretty blonde, who in that moment decided to turn around and look Lexa straight into her eyes; she stopped breathing and almost dropped her cup. The girl just gave her a soft smile and went back to drawing. Lexa was a goner.

 

The next time she saw the blonde, it was a party. Anya dragged her to it, despite her protests, and after the night she was glad her friend was persistent. She saw a face that left her speechless, the blonde from a few weeks ago, the one Lexa thought about and hoped to see in the caffé but never did. As the night went by, she looked over to her, trying to be subtle. The girl was flirting with some brunette, Lexa looked away, telling herself to stop being jealous, it's not like they know each other. Lexa stood up, going to the bathroom and all of a sudden, the girl was in front of her. Lexa just looked at her, but the blonde smiled and asked her why she looked so familiar. They spent the rest of the night together, talking, laughing; Lexa even told her about the chipmunk and it made Clarke laugh out loud, in that moment she decided it was her favorite sound in the world.

 

Lexa missed her.

 

**How long will it take**

 

Lexa wasn't sure of a lot of things in life, but she was sure of one thing – Clarke hated her. Clarke hated her for breaking her heart, for making her sad, angry, disappointed. Clarke hated her and Lexa loved her. Lexa loved Clarke most than anything. Lexa swallowed her feelings down, no tears will leave her eyes today. It's an especially hard day for her; it's their anniversary, or it would be if they were still together. Lexa still foolishly thought they will make up, that Clarke would forgive her. Thoughts like that only made her sad so she concentrated on work and not on the date or her empty heart.

 

**The way young lovers do**

 

They both loved to walk on the rain and look at the stars. That's exactly what they did on their first date, even though the rain was not planned, at all. Lexa took Clarke at the local observatory, knowing how much the girl enjoyed the stars, just like she did herself. They looked at the stars, gave them different names making them their own and made up stories, Lexa especially liked the one where a girl fell from the stars and the girl on the ground found her and they fell in love. Soon, story making became their thing. As they were returning, a huge storm washed over them, by the time they got to Clarke's place, they were both drenched. Clarke looked so beautiful so Lexa did the only thing she wanted since she saw her, she kissed her. It was a slow, soft kiss and she felt Clarke smile into the kiss. Breaking apart she looked at Lexa and her eyes were like a stormy night on the ocean, it took Lexa's breath away. It became their thing, so it was no surprise on a night like that Lexa told her she loved her.

 

The last time Lexa kissed Clarke under the stars, it was snowing and they kissed under the street light.

 

**What will you say**

 

Lexa knows exactly how long it's been since she last saw Clarke. 397 days. She could probably tell the correct hour and minutes, but she wants to pretend she's sane. It's been 397 days since she saw her beautiful face, in person at least, she sees her face on pictures every day. She always thinks about it, even though she wanted to stop; she thinks what would Clarke say if she ever saw her. Would she turn her head and say nothing? Would she tell her she hates her? Would she slap her, spit on her yelling? Lexa had so many scenarios running in her head, each crazier than the one before. She wanted to see Clarke again, but at the same time really didn't. She hoped she would see her, somewhere but if she did, she would probably just run away, too ashamed about everything she did to her.

 

Lexa will never be the first one to reach out, no matter how much she's suffering and how much she's miserable. If, and that's a big if, Clarke ever forgave her, she would still keep her distance. But, she is scared her heart would give in, the heart that's missing Clarke, the only person capable of mending it. She doesn't believe in soulmates, but she believes the two of them were exactly that.

 

Lexa falls asleep with a question on her mind, what would Clarke say to her if she ever saw her again.

 

**Forget her**

 

_How long has it been? Too long I believe. I'm walking down the street, they city is busy and it's just like I remember it to be. I missed it. I missed quite a few things about this city, the places and people. Like her, I missed her._

_After everything that went down, after I ran like a coward back to my parents, people were telling me, forget her, she will never change, she had heartbreak written all over her from the moment you met her. In the beginning, I agreed, I was so angry, God the anger I felt, it consumed me, it took me and my broken heart so much time to forget her. I thought I did. We were great together, I loved her and I know she loved me too, she was just afraid and did the only thing she knew, she hid inside herself and away from me. As the time passed, it was too late to do anything about it. I moved and she stayed, never tried to reach me, except one time; I listened to her voicemail once, then deleted it, it hurt too much. I still had dreams about her; her face, her pretty green eyes, her voice and her smile, I had dreams about happier times. Forget her they told me. That was hard. So many nights my cheeks were covered with tears as I tried to forget her, my heart shattered in a million pieces. I wondered if it was some cruel joke, that her love was a joke; but I know it wasn't, but I was in pain and I couldn't think about before._

 

_I would think about her all the time, the heartache still there, forgetting her was not an option, no matter how many times I told myself I don't need her, not ever again. The truth was, I did. Raven told me she saw her, she was a mess, that made me sad. For a long time, no one said her name, my mother would mention her but my look would halt any further mention. They were walking on eggshells around me. Then came the period where I was so angry, so they all jumped in and told me to move on, forget her. I couldn't. I still loved her, I will always love her._

_I'm back again, back in the city where it all started, and she's out there somewhere now._

 

Lexa was getting coffee, at the one place she knew had the best one, the place that had so many memories, the one where they met for the first time. Well, they shared a look, but Lexa always thought of it as a first meeting. She had a day off and she planned on spending it doing nothing. After she payed for her coffee, she went down to sit at the table when she saw her. The same blue eyes she saw in this place 3 years ago. The same blue eyes that kept her up so many nights. The same blue eyes of a woman she loved and lost. Clarke. Clarke was standing in front of her, gentle smile on her beautiful face. And then she said,

„Hey stranger, nice to see you. I've missed you.“

 

Lexa didn't have to ask herself anymore what will Clarke say or do when she saw her again; she got her answer.

 

**Author's Note:**

> My first real fic, take it easy on me.


End file.
